The Grit of Grace: My Work as a Leader and Healer

I have seen countless leaders, bosses, management, therapists, and healers not do the internal work to lead and heal people with true physical and mental health. I have seen them not live in true coherence where their thoughts, speech and actions align. I have seen countless, lack self-respect and true love of self but pretend they do. I have seen countless wear a mask of seeming perfection, but their energy feels otherwise, their ill judgements on others, and their reactive comments show me otherwise. I made a promise to myself to not be this type of leader and healer. I do not self-sacrifice, I would not want you to. I do not self-deprecate or self-depreciate; I would not want you to. I have self-compassion and I would want you to have the same. I have true love of self and want you to have the same. 

I work hard to eradicate the parts of me that don’t serve me with all my grit and intellect I can conjure up. I don’t allow behaviors instilled in me from childhood and early adulthood when I was naive and ignorant that I used to falsely protect me out of being in survival and not knowing better at the time. The parts of me that poison me from the inside out that I unintentionally picked up along the way and unintentionally made a part of my character, I work to eradicate entirely so those parts of me do not continue to poison me, poison my outlook on life and poison others around me.

The true me, the authentic me, is pure. The true authentic me looks for all the good in life in all the small things, in all the big things, in all the nook and crannies. I look for good and beauty in all the old, in all the new and all in between. I look for good and beauty in all the ravines, valleys, rivers, oceans and mountains. I look for the good in all the roads, sidewalks, parks, and buildings. I look for good and beauty in all the people I see and cannot see.

For the things I cannot change I accept as is. I don’t muddle my brain with things I cannot change or control. I give myself the gift of self-forgiveness for mistakes I made or make and just simply do better going forward. I continuously practice radical self-honesty so in turn I can accept radical honesty back from others with grace. Since I practice self-compassion on a continuous basis I have the ability and bandwidth to give compassion.

Since I have changed so drastically over the years, I believe in everyone being able to do the same if they choose and decide they want a better life and to be a better person. It’s a choice to be kind, to want to self-improve, to be patient, to take care of oneself to ensure better outcomes situationally, physically and mentally.

 I work hard to not let the “old me” exist in the world that the “new me” creates. I work to not leak outdated, harmful, arrogant, ignorant old parts of me into my understanding on life and people and things I have never experienced or yet to experience to spoil my ability to have and keep an open curious mind. I work hard to love more, stay curious, to be patient, to be kind and to understand. I remove myself from where I don’t belong and work hard to find the places I do. I don’t just try once, I don’t give up until I succeed but even then, I keep going as that is what life is about.

I practice patience as that is where time to think before I respond lives so I make less mistakes. Patience is where I give myself permission to be my authentic self and the next step I take will be for my highest good and align with me and my values. I practice patience so I am not reactive, but instead thoughtful and give myself time to discern if only for a quick moment before I respond. I don’t want to allow myself to be negatively influenced so I practice self-awareness and situational awareness at all times.

Each year I get better and better. I know I will never be perfect as perfect doesn’t exist but I have achieved continuous self-compassion, and I will continue to be the person I love to live with every single day with no regrets, only earned wisdom and lessons learned. 

Where I am headed, it requires eternal coherence. What I think, speak, behaviors I display, and actions I take are in congruence no matter where I am and behind all closed doors. I am the same inside out, wherever I am. This is a minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day practice for the rest of my life. That is the promise I made to myself that I intend to keep. In my poorest days and in my richest days, I will remain intentionally pure hearted. 

I am no better than anyone. I am human, don’t forget that. 

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